An Ineluctable Growth

Moving out, away from the more-apparent-than-real comfort of the place one calls 'home', is a challenge one has to take up at one point or another. After a while, I have come to realize one thing: that to really grow is to move out of the place you know too well, and venture into something one deems less comfortable, less familiar and less mundane.

Time alters a lot of things, the tangibles and the intangibles. Time alters realities, ditching old ones with new, how ever unanticipated and unwelcome the new ones are. The changing tides lend a shift in context and dynamics of people's thinkings, and more often than not, that shift triggers a kind of psychological suffering, a kind of heartache that is indescribable.

An elder's reluctance and inability to let go, more often than not, will result in a sort of power struggle that ends in torment to self and others. The ensuing bouts of cold shoulders and silent retaliations do make one wonder if these are ever going to get better, and if they do get better, when are things going to turn pear-shaped again. A day? Or two?

I believe one is not destined to thrive in an environment where the presence of a living volcano waiting to explode is so strongly sensed. The tense, occasionally poisonous, atmosphere may well render one insane, assuming one is ever sane to start with. If day in day out, one is stared in the face by the prospect of raw emotions spiraling up into a cloud of unrelenting misery, or down into a pit full of anger and vengeance... then I feel it is indeed time to take a step back, peruse the whole picture, and bid the painful but necessary goodbyes.

The gratefulness will be there for life, the love will stay for eternity. Perhaps, stepping out of the shadows, one might actually find the experience of basking in the sun a rewarding one. And perhaps, one could better serve one's responsibilities as a child.

Qi

Irony of the Tragedy

Flowers during Valentine's Day are truly overpriced.
We laugh at the absurdity of it all.
We slag the day off for being a sales gimmick.
We condemn huge spending on the day.
We dismiss the V word with disgust, contempt and disdain.

But you know?

At the end of the day, we freaking give in.
Oh don't give me that - you know you did.
We all did.
We are suckers.

Ramblings of a Smitten Mind

(Above) 12:00am on Chinese New Year, Fireworks

If distance is a barrier let us bridge it with undying love.
If distance is a barrier let us rejoice for at least having each other.

古人说:
纤云弄巧，飞星传恨，银汉迢迢暗度。金风玉露一相逢，便胜却、人间无数。
柔情似水，佳期如梦，忍顾鹊桥归路。两情若是久长时，又岂在、朝朝暮暮。

距离产生美.

Qi

Hello.

"... I know I've never really treated you right,
I've paid the price, I'm still paying for it every day"

Every, yes every, little part of Savage Garden's song "I Don't Know You Anymore" speaks to him.
He never took her seriously, he had her for granted, he fooled around, he dated and looked elsewhere, when all the while the person he really needed was there loving him.

Has realization come too late, he wonders.
Has she let go, for good.
He stares into space wondering if this could be one mistiming too many.

Go Make Memories

Look at us. This picture was taken approximately 7 years ago. A lot of us in the Red Crescent Youth Unit Number 4 have gone on to become tight friends. Everyone is now off pursuing their own desired future paths.

Top (from left): Miss Tay, Puan Lim, Johnny Kiu, Yee Shin, Ying Ning, Wan Yin, Chau Ling
Middle (from left): Lionel Lim, Kenny Chang, Chee Yong, Tze Tung
Bottom (from left): Lawrence Wong, Lenny Kueh, Sze Shyang, Me, Heng Teck, Chang Sa'ar

Those care-free days will never come back.
Such is the beauty of memories. Go make them!

Have you?

Have you ever felt you are in a position where you need to get someone to do you a favour but the other person has been putting it off and it is causing you hardship and stress and loss of money in buying replacement items but you cannot get him/her to hassle because he/she is not obligated to do you that favour and you do not want to put further strain on a friendship that has already loosened considerably over the past couple of years?

I have.

Reality

Been rather stressed lately with all the new things that are either happening or going to happen in my life. Been thinking heaps, about how the future is going to pan out; about whether I should be doing this or that bearing in mind the fact that I would be away for potentially a long, long time; about life, surprisingly; about family; about all the different obligations expected of me by the people around me; and about myself.

I like it when I am thinking.
I feel alive.

Friends around me will know I can get rather philosophical at times. I guess I am one who tries to read beyond what is on the surface... and occasionally that can be to my detriment. Behind every action of others I will seek an explanation. Behind every word I will decipher its underlying meaning.

Most of the time, I can use the "reality" concept to good effect.

I think everyone has their own reality. The world one lives in is one's reality. One's perceptions of the world through one's own lenses is one's reality. If one thinks money is hard to earn and money is evil, that is one's reality, and there is nothing anyone can do to change that reality.

When two humans interact, we see the coming-together of two realities. This is where it gets interesting. I love noticing the clashing of realities. To me, realities are what separate the financially rich from the poor, the elitists from the egalitarians, the powerful from the weak. There are different degrees to realities as well - some people's reality is stronger, and some is weaker. No two realities are the same from my observation. As such, if we put everyone's reality on a scale, we would end up with a hierarchy.

Let's have an example - a rather common one I think.
"A" and "B" have an argument over a fact (that is, something set in stone).
"A" says the movie is at 7.45pm.
"B" says the movie is at 8.45pm.

The conversation goes something like this:
"A": Movie is at 7:45pm.
"B": Nope, it's at 8:45pm, I checked.
"A": It's definitely at 7:45pm, you saw wrongly.
"B": Impossible, this morning I was reading the papers...
"A": You saw wrongly, mate... it's at 7:45pm.
"B": Really?
"A": Yes.
"B": Oh okay.

Bear in mind the fact that "A" and "B" are both convinced of the time. In this case, "A"'s reality is superior to that of "B"'s, even though he did not check the papers nor did he back his claim up with evidence. "B" read the papers, saw the time, but due to his weaker reality, "B" succumbs to "A"'s persuasion and confidence.

I am sure you have experienced this before. You argued with someone, but were convinced that you were wrong... and then after you have checked, you found yourself to be right, and the other party was wrong! Your reality, in that instance, was weaker.

One's "reality" is affected by a lot of things, but the main ones would be self-confidence, persuasion and the ability to express an idea exactly like what you have in mind. I think someone of an extremely high IQ but with a weak reality will do a lot worse than someone of an average IQ but with a strong reality. However, I think more often than not, smart people have strong realities... it makes sense really, because smart people are credited for being smart all their lives, and from that they know they are better than the average person. Having said that, when someone smart meets someone smart, there will be a "power struggle" yet again, with the person with the higher reality taking home the bacon at the end of the day.

I have a lot more to say about my perceptions of everyone's reality, and how I believe one can enhance one's reality, but this post is getting too long.

Next time, maybe.

Qi

回想

听了这首歌,想起了妳.
一首 "you don't know what you've got until it's gone" 的感觉.
"雨天", "你给的伞", 很真, 很有意思.
没想到放弃妳的我也会猛然想起你吧?
Take care.

雨天
站在十字路的交点
该怎么走
我却只剩回头
除了你给的伞我再也没有
别的借口
去拥有你的什么

Chorus
你能体谅我有 雨天
偶尔胆怯你都了解
过去那些大雨落下的瞬间
我突然发现

谁能体谅我的 雨天
所以情愿回你身边
此刻脚步会慢一些
如此坚决
你却越来越远

奇

Taking You Home

I want to pack you in my box, and take you home.

In other news, boxes have all been packed, with about 175kgs worth of belongings. Lloyd came to pick up the boxes this morning, and I had to pay AU$500. Brought my 2 bikes to Cash Converters and they gave me AU$120 for them both - not too bad. My DVD player, however, went for AU$15. But then it's not branded so didn't expect much. The printer did not sell, though. Neither did the dumbbells.

I want to pack youuuu in my box, and take youuuu home.

Qi

On a Jet Plane

It's been a long while since I last blogged, but I have been really busy finishing up my Honours Paper and one final exam. I am all done now, and I am all set for the next stage of my life.

I am leaving Perth, for good.

Will I miss this place? To be honest, right now... I think I will not, but perhaps after a while, I will. What I am going to miss, is the many friends I have made here, throughout my time in Year 12, and throughout my 4 years in University. It is scary to think that after 5 years, I might never see these people again.

-----

I have my future pretty much planned out.
So now it's all about execution. I want to achieve so much before I turn 30, so I better get cracking huh? It's going to be one hell of a journey, but I will get there I am certain of that.

I should really be uploading some pictures I have taken recently but no time for that - the box people are coming to collect the boxes tomorrow and I have a lot to go through.

Leave you guys with lyrics to an emo song (I bought a shirt as a gift yesterday, and it says "Cheer up, Emo Kid" with a sad smilie at the end of it - I am sure she'll like it). And before you ask, no, I am not that emo kid. I hate emo kids. But Lionel is an emo kid. :)

Didn't come here for crying,
Didn't come here to break down...
... it's just a dream of mine is coming to an end.
And how can I blame you?
... when I have built my world around you?
... the hope that someday we'd be so much more than friends.
And I don't want to know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming...
... when even now it's more than I can take.

Qi

How Are You?

How are you?

It's been a year.
The couple of months...
... spent exploring each others' worlds a year ago are still fresh.
Feels like yesterday, you know.
The feelings are long gone, though.
I tried recapturing the feelings.
Did you?
It felt real.
So real.
What we had resembles a dream, a wonderland...
... that we did not want to wake up from.
But reality had to set in.
It had to.
The uncertainties made it blissful.
The naivety made it memorable.
Moving on to newer things, better things...
... there will still be little things.
Little things that brought back memories...
... of those months of Spring.

How are you?

Qi